Dinner or Slippers?

It’s that time of year when we, with pools in the northeast, look to close them. It is something we usually dread, especially if the weather is nice and the water looks inviting. For me and my pond pool, not the case. I believe the deep end floor drain is clogged and all summer the pool has not been cooperative and I have been short tempered, so the use of the pool, now known as the pool pond has been minimal.  For this reason alone, I decided to close right after labor day and I short-changed on the inputting of the chemicals which everyone knows, will turn the pool into a nice inhabitable pond. For the most part, a very clean pool pond with no weeds and critters, until this week.

When I went out to prepare the pool pond for closure, lo and behold, there was a snake and two frogs. The snake, an innocent garter snake who I tried to catch in the flat skimmer net and he turned and laughed at me. The sucker then went up the skimmer basket hole, with the cover askew, and stuck his neck out to laugh further. I am sure you all heard it. He soon retreated and we played our ‘cat and mouse game’ – but in our case ‘snake and net game.’  After about 45 minutes, he was mine! Just a baby, and being a true animal lover, I let him go into the bushes only to find him in the front yard later when mowing.

Now to contend with the two frogs. These just aren’t any frogs, they are, “Canadian good-looking frog legs for dinner” frogs. (Tastes like chicken.)  I am an outdoors kind of girl, but I don’t think I will be wrapping my hands around these two guys unless it is after they are cooked in butter and garlic, C’est magnifique!  As the draining of the pool continued and my vacuuming efforts continued, they taunted me by swimming around the pool. They too chuckling. If caught, they most likely would break off the skimmer net because they are big enough to wear as slippers, YES, they are that big.  I gave up around 8 PM.  “Enough I shouted, you win!  Until tomorrow that is.”

So, today I have wrangled up two friends with hip boots and together we shall descend into the pool pond to attempt to save them but one last time. The chemicals must go in before the closing and as an animal lover, I will do my best to save them. I also will not eat them. I have eaten frogs legs in France and they do in fact taste like chicken, but I would never go from pond to table with any animal.

Wish me luck!

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow!

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So, this recession sucks, for me at least.  Some of the big boys and gals are raking in the dough whilst us little chicks are flying under the economy radar.  Way under.  As a result, I have had to cut my own hair now for three years.  I do a really good job of it, NORMALLY.  Yesterday I went to cut my hair, and must have been half-asleep.  I grabbed the black handled thinning shears, and began to grab clumps of hair to thin.  As I peered down into the sink, I noticed large pieces falling into it.  I quickly pulled the scissors from my head and lo and behold, I had grabbed the REGULAR scissors and was just cutting my hair with wild abandonment like a four-year old does with her first encounter with scissors and hair.  YIKES!  My hair was short to begin with, but how would I repair this damage.   I grabbed the correct thinning scissors and began to thin what was left of my hair.  It looks like the spiky punk hairdos so I am okay.  Hey, so what that I am old and have the hairdo of a 22-year-old!  Luckily, hair grows back.

Those Secret Clubs That No-One Talks About

You know that clubs.  The club where you have toilet paper stuck to your shoe but you would never admit it.  The club where you leave the house and forget to brush your teeth and you have a raisin bit from your morning cereal stuck in your tooth.  The club where your skirt is stuck in the back of your panty hose and you exit the lady’s room totally unaware. Lastly, the club where you put on either a shirt or your underwear inside out and don’t realize it until very late in the day.  Real friends would say something.  Others just point and snicker.  Admit it, we’ve all done or belong to one of these clubs.  Welcome to the club.

The new club I started today, “Ladies do have balls.”   I was playing golf and had on cropped pants with no pockets.  Golfers usually carry an extra ball, a ball marker and a tee in a pocket so they don’t have to walk back to the bag or the cart.  Realizing this and with a need to store a spare golf ball, I first put it in my bra.  God only knows what I looked like from a distance, but with the girls checking in at 38 D to begin with, I needed no extra encumbrance when trying to hit that dang little ball.  Therefore, I stuck the spare ball in my pants at my waist, hoping that the undies (not thongs) and the pants would hold it.  I played a hole or two and totally forgot about it until it came rolling down the inner portion of my left thigh, down my left leg and out the bottom of my pants.  THANK Goodness I was playing golf alone!  How does one explain that???  I had a great laugh.  After all, if you can’t laugh at yourself, you have no sense of humor!

Dung Beetles Disoriented – OMG~!

The other day while driving, I happened to hear a very interesting story.  A government paid grant funded a research on dung beetles.  Dung:  Feces, shit, poop – now you got it.  Dung beetles live on this and when a new pile of dung is discovered, they, or the most industrious of the group, rush to the dung.  They chop or slash off a bit, roll the dung into a ball and then furiously roll it back to their abode, wherever that is.  The problem is that the ‘less-industrious’ of the group, will stage high-jacks of the dung balls en-route to said abode.    Those beetles are the bully-dung beetles and probably carry around a pot belly similar to American beer drinkers and fast-food addicts.  (No offense here.)

So, this government paid grant was funded to see if the dung beetle could find its way home without the stellar/constellations above us.  Yes, turns out the dung beetles find their way around dung and back by following the stars.  Who knew???  What the heck do they do on a cloudy day??!!  (Ah-ha!  Another grant to fund.)

So, as I understand the experiment, the dung beetles were placed in a room with glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling.  They were able to successfully find the dung and back to the dung beetle abode by using said glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceilings.  HOWEVER, (God-forbid) when the crazy scientists moved or removed certain stars, the dung beetles were lost.  Can you just picture them rolling their little dung balls in circles.  The women beetles saying, “Ask for directions!!”  The husband/male dung beetles saying, “No, I know where I am going.”  In addition they don’t have Dungquest or Dunggle-Earth, so they could not find their way home.

I ask you, in all seriousness, where can I find grant money like this?  I am not sure yet what I want to study, but who on earth came up with an idea for this government funded grant?  Millions of Americans are starving and loosing their homes.  I guess this means we all should be able to sit back and rest comfortably because we know what the dung beetles use for navigation instead of Dungquest or Dunggle-Earth.  I don’t think this was rocket science, in fact I know it wasn’t.

p.s. Watch your poop.